Please say hello to Anne. She is the mama of three beautiful children. Her now-husband had two daughters from a previous relationship when Anne first met them, and she has been judged for her decision to adopt the girls. This whole project has been so eye-opening for me. I know that people judge moms and we are used to it, but it still really blows me away when I find out what people have been judged for. Here are images from our session as well as snippets from her discussion about judgment.
“I adopted my girls. They are my husband’s from a previous relationship. Their mother was not in the picture and hadn’t been for some time when I first met my husband. I bonded with the girls immediately when we first met. It was like they were meant to be mine. I felt judged for this decision and I got questions from people such as “are you sure you are ready to jump in and play mommy to those kids?” or “there goes any freedom you ever had”. I think because the girls were not mine biologically people did not understand that I could love them as if there were, but there was never a doubt in my mind that these girls were meant to be mine.”
“Another situation I felt slightly judged about was my son. I got pregnant with him 2 months before my wedding day. When people found out they made jokes like “oh, they just couldn’t wait until after the wedding” or “bad timing for an accident like this”. Although my son was not “planned” he was not an accident by any means. No the timing was not perfect, but it all worked out and he is perfect. It may not have been my timing, but it was God’s timing and I am so blessed because of it.”
“The things people would say obviously hurt my feelings in the moment because I loved my girls as if they were my own. My response to uncomfortable questions was “yes, these are my girls. I love them as if I was the one that gave birth to them. I am every bit sure I am ready to be there mom.” As far as the situation with my son I really just brushed those comments off. I knew my son was not an accident and that although I had not planned it at that time, it was God’s plan and it was a perfect one.”
“I would like the world to know that being a mom is not all cupcakes and rainbows. It is probably one of the toughest jobs in the world. It is important to not judge other moms and their choices because you never know why exactly they made that choice. For them, at the time, it seemed like that right choice, and if we agree or not that is up to us, but we should not judge. I also feel like we all have that element of “hot mess express” in us where we are not really sure what the heck we are doing and so we do the best we can in the moment.”
“My biggest joy about raising my kids is being able to see them grow and develop into these kind, smart, funny people. We laugh and cry, we go on adventures, we learn, and we love. It is the best thing is the world to be a mom!”
Thank you so much Anne for sharing your story with us. For Anne's full discussion on judgment, please visit A Life From Scratch and stay tuned for more moms!